Boats and Birds
by d-aisychains2
Summary: Why did I do it? Why did I continue to sit and feel sorry for myself? It had been months since my father had disappeared and the same thought for months had plagued my mind - What did Sam Uley have to do with my Dad's disappearance? And what was he doing to my boyfriend?
1. first

I pull my arms tighter around me, trying to keep the heat within my black cardigan. I breathed slowly in the cool air, and blew it out as it created an almost 'smoke' effect. I took in my surroundings once again, taking everything in making sure it stuck in my brain.

The Quileute tribal school was small, and was built in the main village. It was a brown brick building with a slanted roof. It kept a little over a 100 students most of which I was acquainted with. La Push, where the school was built was a tiny reservation mostly known as the 'rez'. Everyone here knew everyone.

We were a gossip loving reservation whether we liked it or not. Women huddled in the corners of the supermarket, churches, beaches as they told each other gossip they'd heard from other gossip sessions.

This summer my family had been the topic of the gossip. Everyone and I mean everyone had tuned into my Dad's disappearance. It had shaken not only my family but the whole rez. In their opinion, no one was safe. An unwritten curfew was put upon the rez, no one was ever seen out past 9 pm anymore.

My Dad's disappearance had happened on a humid Thursday during July. He'd left everything as it was as if he wasn't going anywhere but when my Mom who had been shopping in Forks at the time had called home and told my Dad to turn off the slow cooker because the meat might burn and he'd replied he would but when she'd arrived home an hour later. The slow cooker was still on but my Dad was gone.

She'd assumed maybe one of his friends had called at the door and he'd left with them to have a walk or watch the Football on the TV at the nearby bar, the only place with a HD screen. She decided she'd have it out with him when he came home - but he never did.

My oldest brother Luca, and my youngest Brady and myself had been cliff diving that day with our friends to celebrate the start of Summer. One we thought would be our best, we were sorely mislead.

We arrived home about ten that night after we'd dried ourselves off at the Bonfire to a concerned frantic mother. She'd already called the police when we'd arrived home. A family friend, also the police officer Charlie had arrived with no emotion on his pale face. We'd been used to him in our house, more as a friend than a police officer. He had a weird aura to him this time, a scared one.

'Don't worry, Bonnie.' He'd said to my Mom. 'We'll find him and get him home safe'.

It had been nearly four months and every lead was false. My father had literally vanished off the face of the earth. Recently, I'd just pushed it away from me. I couldn't deal with my depressed mother, or my brother's who pented up their anger even though I tried. I had been given the mothering job, unofficially.

My mother who'd stop doing everything she'd once did was now a broken woman. She'd let her brown hair turn grey at the roots and stopped wearing her favorite makeup and perfume. It was understandable she'd lost her first love, her only love. They'd been together since High School. My mom was from La Push, while my Dad was from Forks the closest town to us. They'd met at a Bonfire, and the rest was history.

So, we'd gotten partially my Mum's dark skin tone and black hair while we'd inherited my Dad's curiosity to nature and sci-fi stories.

It wasn't odd that in a few days within my Dad going missing conspiracy theories started circulating. Mostly that he was captured by some cult, or even he willingly left to be in a cult. My Dad was into all that. He was a famous author. He wrote supposed 'true events' about 'supernatural' creatures. He had crazy stalker fans but we didn't dwell on their conspiracy theories.

During my inner thoughts, I hadn't noticed my boyfriend make his way slowly to me. His hands dipped in his jean pockets, and a loose black top on him. He'd obviously just rolled out of bed because it looked like he'd misplaced his jacket and thought he'd be too late to school to find it.

"Hey, Babe." He says, wrapping an arm around my waist as he pulls me into a bear hug.

Quil who was my boyfriend was what I embarrassingly and only to myself called my soulmate. They say one in four high school relationships continue into marriage and I didn't doubt our relationship wouldn't make it till marriage. Quil and I just got each other. There wasn't anything I wouldn't tell him, or feel ashamed to tell him. He had been my biggest support when Dad went missing and I was unbelievably grateful for him because of that.

Our relationship had gone through rocky parts during my Dad's disappearance but even when it was so hard and I was sure Quil hated me and wanted me to disappear, he didn't leave my side. He stuck by me when I'd 'break up' with him, or when I'd be too repulsive to be with he wouldn't dare leave.

"Hey." I mumble. I dig my head into his shoulder. I notice his paranoid look, the almost semi permanent frown that had buried itself on his face recently. It's worse though, along with the protruding dark circles under his eyes. "You okay?"

"I dunno." He answers honestly. He glances behind him and looks toward a group of stocky, tanned males. I felt sorry for Quil instantly. Last Summer when everything seemed to be going well for Quil, his 'best' friends Embry and Jacob had ditched him without so much as a explanation. I knew Quil felt awful and there wasn't much I could do. I invited him to hang with my friends and their boyfriends but it wasn't the same. He'd grown up with Embry and Jacob. Embry had ditched him first, then a month later so had Jacob.

In La Push, another popular thing to gossip about was the group - or even cult Sam Uley had put together. They thought as themselves the Tribe Protectors but this was La Push - what was their to protect? They never stopped the youth from littering, or planning fights or even stopped teen drinking. They didn't talk to anyone within the community anymore. It had started with Sam Uley last year during the winter when he'd disappeared for two weeks, something I'd always wanted the police to look into after Dad had gone - was there any chance Sam's 'finding himself' story wasn't true? Had someone kidnapped him and then came for my Dad? It was a silly thought but it had haunted me.

After Sam, it was like he'd recruited more teen boys like Jared Cameron my neighbor and then Paul Lahote someone I never really had any time for mostly because he was just irritating to me. Before he'd been 'recruited' he was a loud mouthed asshole who drank more than anyone I knew and smoked weed like he was a pro stoner - which he was. After them too, it had been Embry and then Jacob..

Quil then turns shakily toward me again. "They were at my house last night when I got back from your house." He gulps. "Gramp's wouldn't tell me anything. 'Council stuff', or something.. Then this morning Embry and Jake and Jared followed me to school.. I know they're coming this way too and you might call me paranoid but seriously, I walked to the shops too to see if they'd follow and they did. They followed me into the shop and didn't buy anything.." Quil sounds defeated. "I don't know what they're playing at. I tell Gramps but he makes me feel like I'm just crazy and paranoid.."

"Quil, what the fuck?" I frown. "Did they say anything?"

"No, as soon as I got in they were leaving but.. Sam stared at me as I walked inside. Then at the shops, I wanted to say something but.. I didn't want to seem crazy."

"Do you want me to say something?" I ask, caressing his arm.

He jerks away. "No!" He says almost angrily. "Do you how much worse it'd be if you said something? I'd be the laughing stock."

"Uhh.. Sorry?" I pause, removing my hand from Quil as his frown goes deeper.

"No, I'm sorry. I shouldn't of gone off at you like that. It wasn't your fault." Quil quickly corrects himself.

"It's fine. Let's go get our schedule, yeah?"

"Yeah.." He agrees slowly, taking one last glance at his two old friends before following me inside.

At lunch, I'm on edge. It's the first time I've been back in school since my Dad's disappearance and it's like it's not 'old news' anymore like it's totally fresh. Teacher's I hadn't seen all summer had asked me how I was upon arrival to class and then had given me their condolences - something I'd always thought was just for when someone died, apparently not.

I order a chicken sandwich in the lunch line and Fiona the kitchen lady gives it to me free because I 'deserve' it. I'm confused totally and give her the money anyway - How in the world do I deserve a chicken sandwich? I never did anything.

The friends I hadn't contacted all Summer had awkwardly cleared a space for me. Amber, one of my best friends had been AWOL all summer. As soon as her Mom heard someone had gone 'missing' she'd whisked her away to Florida for a Summer rid of La Push and all its problems. I hadn't talked to her since Dad had gone missing, and truthfully I missed her. Quil slips in beside me as I sit down beside her.

"So.." Tara Crown, one of my 'friends' awkwardly murmurs. "How are you doing now, then?"

It takes me a minute to realize she's talking to me and when I do I put my chicken sandwich down and think of something to say to lighten the mood. "Uhh. Good. Fiona the kitchen lady gave me a free Chicken Sandwich."

"That's shit." Pete, Amber's boyfriend chuckles. He always was a really nice guy. "I heard that Chicken's just left overs from last year."

"I heard that the orange juice isn't from actual oranges." Tara's boyfriend, Phil interjects.

"I heard it's vitamin water." Quil adds, but he's not even looking at us. He's just staring at Embry and Jake's table who aren't even staring at him - I follow their gaze to Luca's table. Luca's standing by the Jocks table his arms crossed as he starts to speak rapidly and angrily.

Ever since Dad had gone, Luca's anger had started getting worse. There was holes in our walls now because of his terrible anger issues. He hit every wall he could when his anger got the best of him.

He has his Football jersey in his hand as he shakes rapidly. I knew this would happen - he hadn't attended practise all Summer he'd been too busy mourning Dad and also drinking until he couldn't stand and now he was being kicked off the football team - and he was the captain. His voice raised higher as Timothy Rielly stood up, and clamped his hand around Luca's jersey.

"I'll fuckin' kill you, Tim. I'll fucking kill you, let the fuck go." Luca shouts at his peer.

I couldn't watch this any longer as Luca reached forward and grabbed Tim's collar. It wouldn't be good for any of us if Luca was kicked out of school on the first day, but It wasn't just me who couldn't watch anymore because as I started up from my chair and started walking over so had Embry, Jacob and Jared. I wasn't as fast as them my little legs couldn't carry me as fast as Jared's long legs could. He grabbed Luca first, his arm wrapped around Luca's shoulder tightly as Luca resisted.

Luca elbowed Jared hard in the ribs but Jared didn't budge. Then Jacob intervenes taking Luca's free arm and restraining it behind his back - I could see Luca's face go red and his eyes go teary as the two huge boys held him.

"Get the fuck off me!" He bellows. "Get the fuck off me!"

I am ready to push past and save my brother but I feel two warm arms wrap around me. "Stop, Heidi. Just stop."

It's Embry, and with all my might I turn and push against him. I repeat what my brother had just shouted - "Get the fuck off me."

I hear Quil as he starts toward us. "Hey - Hey! What's going on here?" He yells, I know he feels uncomfortable coming head to head with Embry and Jake in this horrible situation.

Jake and Jared took one look at Quil before pulling a terrifying looking Luca who appeared to be shaking like he was having a seizure outside. The whole cafeteria looked on as I wriggled out of Embry's strong grip and ran toward the two double glass doors but I could no longer see them. They'd made their way across the car park - they must have gone into the forest.

I turned around and glared at Embry who had grabbed his, Jared's and Jake's school bag from there seats and was beginning to walk toward the outside.

We follow him quickly, and everyone in the cafeteria seems to be buzzing from the scene that had just happened.

"Embry!" I call after him. He doesn't stop as Quil and I follow him. Quil keeping quiet as I chase after him. "What the fuck are you doing to my brother?"

He ignores me once again as he walks quicker this time. He's getting closer to the woods now, and I'm running now. Trying to get closer to Embry to get some answers.

Why did they drag him out of the cafeteria and into the woods? Why didn't they just bring him to the Principal's office if they were protectors? Were they going to beat him up?

"Embry!" I call once again. "Please?!"

He hasn't entered the woods but he's at the foot at them. "He'll be fine. Sam wants to speak to him, alright? So just leave it, leave him alone?"

Before turning around he eyes up Quil. "I'll see you soon, Quil."

Quil takes a heavy breath as he wraps an arm around me. Embry disappears into the thick forest leaving Quil and I equally confused.

I can't get home quick enough after school. Brady has athletics after school something my fourteen year old brother had surprisingly stuck with after Dad disappeared so I don't have to worry about him. I break a red light as I speed home and I'm surprised I don't get pulled over or killed by oncoming traffic.

I unlock my door so harshly I nearly break my key. I'm not sure what I'm looking for; I have a sinking feeling that Lucas won't be here that the 'talk' with Sam wasn't a quick chat, and something more.

I think maybe I wanted desperately to tell my mother and have her react in some other way then opening another bottle of wine to herself. Like toward the end of the Summer when Lucas got drunk and crashed the family car into some trees in the woods, she paid the council for the mess but that was all. I made sure Lucas went to the AAA meetings and went to the community service, Mom didn't care. She was still a good mom, she was just slowly forgetting we still needed and wanted her.

Even before Dad disappeared I always had the 'mom' job. Mom still cooked and read us bedtimes stories but she wasn't good at punishing us or making us do our homework, she was 'chilled out', like Regina George's mom except instead of a gucci purse, there was a paint brush and a canvas.

My friends always used to tell me how jealous they were of my parents. The way that they didn't care what time I came inside at once I'd told them where I was going and how they didn't punish me but it really always made me anxious. The way that they didn't lock the door at night or kept some money in our mattresses or how they let us sip from their wine glasses or sit around them as they smoked. Lucas and Brady called me a wimp, that I couldn't handle being a grown up.

But I knew even as a ten year old, my parent's weren't grown up. Grown ups didn't let there kids stay out at all hours of the night even on a school night, or grown ups didn't mind telling there kids they did smoke a blunt sometimes. I wasn't surprised that Lucas did drugs or drank alcohol, even though my Dad and Mom were. I was surprised only by Lucas's anger issues - Mom or Dad had never raised their voices whenever one of us did step out of line so much that my Mom and Dad felt like they had to punish up we'd sit at the family table and all speak about how we felt about the topics then we'd come up with a way to sort it out.

This too made me anxious. Why couldn't they just put me on the naughty step? Or take away my toys? Or give me choirs? I hated having to voice my opinions on things that I didn't think was that bad. My mother's idea of an troublesome 'crime' was if we messed with her canvases or we mixed her paints and didn't clean them afterwards and Dad's was even worse. If we even stepped in his 'work' room without permission or him being there we'd be in 'big trouble' but added to this was sometimes Dad's version of silent treatment.

Dad called me his little 'worry-bud' which wasn't a lie. I worried about everything, like if we'd get to school in time because Mom and Dad always over slept or if as a youngster if Mom would remember to make us sandwiches to eat for lunch, I worried so much that like I said I'd taken the Mom role pretty young not that I'd ever admit that to Mom. I doubt she'd care now anyway.

I can hear Mom in the living room when I enter the house. The slow beat of some old sad grunge 90's music fills the house and I can hear low drunk groans. It's the worst mood you can catch my Mom in; the obviously depressed mood where she acts like a teenage drunk for the first time. It's not pretty.

Despite my hesitation, I enter the living room quickly. I take the remote of the radio off the arm chair and turn it off. Mom's groans stop, and from where she lays on the couch without a bottle of wine she looks up at me, her hand wrapped around a infamous bottle of Jameson whiskey, something we only used on Christmas's. Mom's wine 'cellar' obviously ran out.

"What you do that for, Heidi?" She groans loudly.

"Have you seen Lucas at all?"

"Who?" She moans as I rip open the closed curtains, she instantly closes her eyes as I lift up the blind.

"Y0ur eldest son, Mom." I say, flinching as she stands up pulling her vintage kimono night gown over her shoulder pouring some whiskey into her tea cup.

"Nope. Nope. Not at all." She mopes. "What's the little shit done now?"

"He's not a little shit." I feel like I have stand up for him. "Sam Uley is having a little 'chat' with him. A chat that could turn him into a little shit."

Mom turns around toward me with such a look of disgust - and for once I'm actually impressed, does this mean maybe she'll sober up and come down and fish Lucas from Sam Uley's evil grip?

"Sam Uley is a good man." I'm shocked. "Sam Uley was the first man looking out for your Dad, all night! Sam Uley protects this Rez every night from the evil that took your Dad!" Her voice slowly rises from an angry snarl to a loud shout - something I've never heard from her. "If your Dad had listened to Sam Uley maybe he'd be here!"

I stare at her shocked. It's the first time she's made a statement about it with someone else being there. I cocked my head to the side - what did Sam Uley have to do with Dad? Dad's interests were within Billy Black and the council and even my Mom's older sister's husband Harry, Harry had died not long after Dad's disappearance of a heart attack.

If my Dad had been here, I'd say he would have made out it was some supernatural reason why Harry passed - but it wasn't and I found myself having to convince myself daily my Dad's books were fiction as much as he tried to convince me otherwise.

My younger brother Brady believed in every word my Dad said. Only sometimes, my Dad would let one of us trek along with him on is 'business' holidays, I'd went only once. I was thirteen and I'd assumed it was just a quick trip to Rome and maybe to Venice if I was lucky but he'd dragged me to some small town within Tuscany, it would have been okay if he'd at least brought me to Pisa or Florence but he made me stay in the small B&B with some Italian woman who spoke nothing but Italian and broken English and had garlic everywhere. Even worse, her and Dad got on like a house on fire because they both believed in Vampires.

The last holiday he'd brought one of us on, (the rest had been alone) he'd brought Brady. It was back to the small village in Tuscany and it was meant to be for longer than the week he'd brought me, maybe two he'd said but he had never booked return tickets. We didn't get a call for almost a week and two days until my Dad and Brady landed on the doorstep. My Dad had never looked so happy, and without even saying hello he rushed to his office to write his book.

Brady had lived like I had for the short holiday. In a small bedroom with the Italian woman who believed in Vampires.

My Dad's last ever holiday had been to Romania for just a week. Short and sweet, he'd said upon arrival home. He'd brought home three diary entries worth of 'facts', and of course there was no way in heaven he'd let us read them. Even Mom wasn't allowed read his precious diaries.

When the police got involved they had to read them but of course they didn't believe a word of it. It was all about 'vampires' and their 'history' and the families within the world my Dad had created. I didn't blame them, I don't think anyone did. Then Brady stopped believing, and I didn't blame him either. Something in his younger years that had brought him so much joy, had now been ruined forever.

"What does Sam Uley have to do with Dad?" I ask, frowning. I cross my arms quickly and stare at her deeply.

"Nothing!" She attempts to save herself. She can't even make eye contact but I've noticed she's sobered up a bit because she's not crying angry tears, or regretful tears she's just crying. "I'm drunk! Can't you leave me alone?!"

"Do the police know?" I bark. "Do they know about Sam Uley and Dad?"

"No!" She shouts back at me. "No, and you can't tell them. We owe our lives to Sam Uley, Heidi. Our lives."

"Our lives? What the fuck, Mom? Is there some gang land war going on in La Push that Dad got caught up in?"

"No!" Mom shouts again. "Keep your voice down, will you? If the neighbors were to hear.."

"Hear what?" I can't help but want to punch the wall. I clench my fists. "You aren't telling me anything! No one tells me anything in this house!"

"I am not telling you anything, you're right there." Mom's voice is quiet. "Because it isn't your business, Heidi. It's absolutely none of your business."

She starts walking to the door but not before I grab her arm. "He's my Dad. Of course it's my business, what are you talking about?" I yell.

She looks like she's about to explode before she opens the door again, and leave. I can hear the front door opening and her hesitating before she leaves. "I'm going to Sue's."

I can't stop myself now, I let my clenched fist punch the wall as hard as I can.


	2. second

Ok. So it's 3:40. All anyone's thinking about is going home. In ten minutes - Make that nine. At the top of the classroom, Ms. Brown, our religion teacher, is rocking on her tiptoes, and off them then waiting a for an answer of her question.

"What is heaven to you?"

We're seventeen years old. We aren't going to answer a question like that, it's.. stupid. I scan the small classroom, tired and bored sums up everyone. Including me. But then, a voice. It's Amber.

"My idea of heaven," she says, looking deeply at my other friend Tara beside her. "Is someone who doesn't forget to return texts."

Uh-oh.

"Yes, Amber. Good." Ms. Brown smiles, not getting Amber's point. "Someone who returns text messages," She looks around, "Anyone else?"

Allo Delaney's hand goes up. Allo fakes ADHD to get out of work, so him paying attention is a total novelty.

"My idea of heaven," Allo says, "Is La Push beach, the first one of course, a couple of the boys, on a warm night and oh! Audrey Haley in a bikini." This of course, is directed at Audrey Haley, the girl two seats in front of me.

Who's already snapping back. "You're sick, Delaney."

And suddenly it doesn't matter we're minutes away from freedom.

"Family time." Lucy Breen smiles. I know I shouldn't be mad at Lucy Breen for mentioning 'family' time because she doesn't know about my home life but I am. I glare at her from across the class.

"Forehead kisses," Anna Davies says about John Kiely. John looks away red faced.

"When your Mom unblock ESPN off the TV." Quil jokes from beside me, his arm wrapped around me.

"All right. All right." Ms. Brown holds up her hands. "Some interesting examples of your own heaven. It's good you guy's have inputs." she places her hands neatly together, like a nun. "And it's also good because you have a six page essay on this due for your end of year exam."

A groan fills the class. She is Buzz Lightyear, who thought he was a superhero but in reality was just a toy. She think she gets us, but she so doesn't. If she hadn't interrupted, than maybe for once we would've had a good chat. I check the clock, four minutes, maybe if we're good she'll let us go.

"Heaven is," A voice from the very back of the classroom that hadn't spoke in this class since we'd first had it last year, speaks. Embry Call musters up the courage to take the attention away from everyone else and plant it on himself. He'd gone from messer who lived in Detention to a quiet loner in the background after joining Sam Uleys clique. "Riding your surfboard in the winter with one of your best friends, huh Quil?"

It's like someone had dropped a huge silencer on the class. No one spoke, not one person, not even Ms. Brown. Everyone knew what had happened between the two boys, and Jake last year in school. Everyone came up with theories of why Jake and Embry ditched Quil. None of which were true, but then again Quil didn't even know why they ditched him.

I felt like saying something. I felt like going on the attack and just turning around and saying something to Embry like, 'how dare you?' because how dare he? It had been months and he hadn't even bothered calling Quil, or saying happy birthday when Quil turned seventeen. Embry had been mute on every topic Quil had came under heat for, within the school and outside school.

To me, Embry was a huge asshole. I know Quil was hopeful for him, and kept thinking of him the way he had been when he'd been friends with Quil, a nice, funny guy who was loyal to his friends and I didn't have the heart to tell Quil any different so I kept quiet. Until now.

I wouldn't let Embry even try string along Quil for some type of 'joke'. I stood up turning around glaring at Embry, as much as I knew Quil would probably hate me for 'embarrassing' him in class but I had to do this. I opened my mouth prepared to go fully berzerk at Embry even though everyone would say I was going crazy at him because maybe I was 'unstable', after a week ago in the canteen with the incident with Luca and Embry (once again), I'm sure everyone would decide that is what I was: unstable.

The moment is cut short by the bell ringing and even though Ms. Brown is asking me to stop moving, I leave the class. I decide it's best because if I don't I'm not sure I would leave that class without murdering Embry.

Before even getting to my locker, I notice Quil following my lead. Meeting me at my locker was like a tradition that started when Quil and I first got together. It was always straight after school finished, Quil would come and greet me at my locker even if we'd leave class separately or we'd be fighting. We'd always leave school together. His locker was beside mine, but Quil rarely brought home books - he always used mine.

"Are you okay?" I ask, concerned. "It wasn't nice what Embry did back there."

Quil leans on his locker beside mine, his face sad. Quil and I had been together three years this week, it was scary. I had been through everything with Quil, accidently or not, I loved him for the fact through thick and thin he had stayed with me. "I'm fine," He says meekly, "Embry's just being Embry - but a bigger ass."

When on the hard nights after Dad had disappeared, I'd break it off with him, telling him I was unlovable and I couldn't return the mass amount of love he gave to me, the next day he'd still hold me tight, telling me he needed me more than I needed him and I don't believe that for one bit. I had no one except Quil.

And then I'd rather die than ever talk to Amber about anything like that. She was so caring, she always was asking the daunting 'are you OK?' question. Even though she was my best friend, I tried to avoid her like the plague. It had been partly my fault we'd lost contact during what happened with Dad, I just couldn't handle losing someone else so pushing people away seemed easier.. weirdly.

Back to Quil; I never really talked to him about my deepest fears, or my mum. Quil was awkward, it didn't stop him being an amazing boyfriend. Even, now when it seemed like everyone was asking the same uncomfortable question: "Have you guys done it?"

The answer was quick and clean. 'No,' I'd mutter quickly as Quil would blush awkwardly.

But now, we were both turning eighteen soon, and our anniversary was days away. I felt like that answer would soon change. I blushed to myself as Quil turned to his own locker and started taking books for homework (which surprised me). "Are you free tomorrow night?"

Quil glances at me then shrugs. "Think so. Why?"

"My Mom's staying at Sue's." I say quickly. "I've a free house and I was just wondering if you'd want to stay at mine.."

"The night?" Quil is stunned. "The whole night?"

"Yeah." I hum awkwardly. "It's our anniversary in a week, but I just feel like.. I don't want to necessarily wait."

I'm not sure if he's wondering what I mean by wait, like what do you not want to wait for? Or if he's in shock I'd even talk about to him. Quil and I had done stuff, and he'd always been 100 percent too excited every time we'd do stuff, so I was worried maybe he was going into cardiac arrest or something.

"Are you sure?" Quil asks, seriously. "Are you really sure?"

"I mean, yeah.. Why wouldn't I be?" I frown.

"It's just we've never talked about it. I assumed you were a 'save-it-till-marriage' kinda girl - not that doing it now is bad! I just want to make sure you're happy to do it. Are you?"

It made me almost recant my statement. Did I look that prudish? We'd done stuff before, why would he think I'm a 'save-it-till-marriage' kinda girl? I frowned for a second before smiling again. "Quil, I'm absolutely sure. I'm confident I want this."

Quil's grin was picture-perfect. I wanted to kiss him, just take him into my hands and kiss him, but the moment had obviously made Quil hyper because he'd held my hand tightly pulling me toward the exit giving me seconds to slam my locker shut before my boyfriend had yanked my arm.

Pulling me outside the high school, I was shocked to feel his lips against mine while the rest of the high school cleared out toward there cars. Numerous wolf-whistles were done by the football team who Quil was friends with making my cheeks go a rosy red, I was embarrassed but I really didn't care. Quil made me feel 100 percent amazing, and I wasn't sure what could change that.

Was it meant to feel this tense? Was I meant to feel awkward and insecure as he lay next to me? Maybe I was, I mean Quil had never seen me fully naked, especially sweaty like this, or my hair messy. Maybe to him it hadn't been good? Maybe that's why he wasn't smiling, maybe that's why he was quietly staring at my ceiling his fists clenched as he looked everywhere but me.

I don't know why but it made me want to start crying. We'd just done it, and maybe it wasn't supposed to be that good the first time - I'd heard that from numerous girl magazines and the internet but wasn't that for the girl? Didn't guy's just enjoy it thoroughly? It had been approximately ten minutes since, I'd been looking at the clock ever since waiting for him to say something, anything just to break this awful silence.

I waited another minute as the silence seemed to get more tense, and more awkward.

Another minute, and Quil wasn't even looking at the ceiling anymore. He'd stood up quickly pulling on his boxers and then his jeans, without making eye contact he pulled on his t-shirt.

"Quil?" I mumbled, quietly wondering what had gotten into him.

Quil turns suddenly, he looks angry as if something had set him off. "I think this was a mistake."

"What?" I ask, my face turning a bright red as he confirmed my fears; he didn't like it.

"This. We should haven't of rushed it. It was obvious you weren't ready, Heidi."

"What does that mean, Quil?" I ask, pulling my night t-shirt from the floor and pulling it over me as I stood up. It was getting heated, and it wasn't just because he'd offended me but Quil's face just spelt the words annoyed across his forehead.

"It means that you weren't into it, or you weren't into me.. Which one.. Hmm. I wonder."

"What are you even implying? That I don't like you?"

"I wouldn't doubt it with you, Heidi. I wouldn't doubt it at all. I mean, I see how you just look at the guys - even when I'm there." Quil is saying anything to keep the truth at bay. He's pulling out every card, he had started doing this as soon as Embry and Jake left him. He used it to try confirm his fear that soon everyone would leave him.

"Oh my god. Can you actually stop? Stop trying to stir everything, Quil! Not when I literally just lost my virginity, can we not keep this a happy memory?"

"How is this a happy memory?" Quil then shouts. "You were laying there like you wanted to be somewhere else, Heidi! As if I wasn't good enough for you."

"Clearly not! It was perfect, Quil!" I say, folding my arms giving Quil a look.

"Really?" He says and I know something hurtful going to come. He's not going to mean it, and he'll apologize in school on Monday and 'make it up to me' because either he'll feel guilty or his Mom and Grandma would of given out to him for speaking to me like that. "Cause it was shit to me, Heidi."

And with that, Quil leaves my bedroom, slamming the door shut on the way out, leaving me sobbing.


	3. third

I had been abandoned once again. Firstly by Dad, whose birthday was creeping up slowly, then by Luca who hadn't contacted anyone but Mom since he'd been dragged into the woods by Uley's clique and now Quil who hadn't been in school since what had happened on Friday night.

I'd given him all weekend to cool off, I didn't call or text or even walk past his house. I was expecting him to walk into math on Monday morning looking like he was ready to say sorry, but he didn't and it was starting to scare me.

I knew he was still around La Push. Tara and Amber had told me they'd seen him on Sunday night looking grim as he drove his Grandfather toward Billy Black's house. I wondered why he hadn't been in school there was no way Joy would ever let her son miss a day of school unless he was sick and it was life threatening.

So when Thursday came around, I swallowed my pride and decided I should call to his house. If we kept going on like this, I was sure it wouldn't be sorted out.

Tara had suggested awkwardly maybe it was 'good', she'd explained in her own way that I'd been with Quil since forever and maybe it was my chance to put myself back in the dating game and try out some 'fresh meat'. I'd declined and told her that this wasn't the 'end' of Quil and I, it was just a misunderstanding.

On Thursday when I'd called at Quil's house a friendly Molly Ateara had answered the door and kindly told me that Quil was unwell with the flu and he wasn't able to see anyone. 'It's the doctor's orders,' She'd said sweetly, 'I'll tell him you called, pet, it'll cheer him up.'

But it just didn't seem right, everything had gotten weird suddenly. The fact that an hour after Quil had left my house on Friday night, Luca had suddenly returned asking me if I was okay, and had Quil hurt my feelings? It was odd, how did he know so quickly? My brother never really talked to Quil, so how would he know this especially an hour after it had happened?

And why had Phil seen Quil out that very same day with Jacob Black too? The thought had struck me numerous times - Was Quil a part of Sam's clique now too? It scared me. Luca had changed since being with Sam and as much as I liked the fact he was drug and drink free, I didn't like how quickly he'd stopped. It had been two weeks at most and he was already free of everything without any withdrawal symptoms? No way.

On Friday, when I'd called to Quil's again a firm Old Quil had told me he wouldn't be out for a while and there was no use calling but it didn't make me feel any different. I decided I'd still call whether it was the phone or going to his door.

It was Saturday when I'd taken a break. Or at least, a mini-break. I'd done it once that afternoon and I'd planned to do it again, no matter how annoying I was getting. I hadn't taken the mini break willingly, Sue Clearwater, my aunt had been driving toward her home after a shopping trip to Forks when she'd spotted me in the rain.

"Now," Sue smiles warmly, as I sat on her creamy leather couch. Sue had been someone who'd I'd always adored as a child. I remember shamelessly wanting her to be my mother always, she kept Leah and Seth her two kids completely grounded. I used to spend hours on end in her company as we'd bake together or draw together when I was a kid but during the years it had dwindled to seeing her only every few weeks. She hands me a cup of tea and a few biscuits. "Why don't you tell me why you're at Quil's every day of the week?"

I wanted to confide in Sue but I didn't want her to be disappointed in me. If Quil was right and I was a 'save-it-till-marriage' kinda girl wouldn't she be disappointed? I was disappointed in myself. I stared at the teacup trying to come up with a cover story so she wouldn't be ashamed. I knew I could probably confide in my mother - if she was 'sober' again. I'd yet to see it. If Mom was back to being herself after a week of sobriety with Sue then, maybe when I told her she'd tell me how brilliant it was now that I was that close to Quil now, that we'd seen each other so bare and pure - and how sex is just a wonderful thing that no one should be ashamed of! All that kind of crap.

Then, when I'd probably told her about how it ended she might've cried with me. Or if I tugged at her heart strings she might've driven over to Old Quil's and had it out with him.

Both embarrassing, both things I wanted to avoid with my life.

The tears started to form at my tear duct, and I couldn't wipe them off my face because of the tea and biscuits I was balancing using my hands. I sighed as Sue's hand wiped them away, her other hand patting my back.

"We just had a fight.." I hiccup. "It just turned really bad, really fast. He was saying all these things about how I look at guys even when he's there. He said that I'm not into him, and that the - the - the.."

"The, what?" Sue asks.

"The .." I murmur again. "The nothing. Just he was just being horrible. I'd assumed on Monday he'd be back at school but he wasn't, so I waited and the girls told me to wait till Wednesday or Thursday, so I did but he never came. So I went to his house and Joy and Old Quil told me things but nothing adds up! If he's sick, and I'm not able to see him why is he suddenly out with Jacob Black after Jacob just ditched him?"

Sue rubs my back, cooling me down. It brings me back to a memory in my childhood when Sue would do this for me when someone during the Summer would upset me. Funnily enough, she was the first one I'd run too because I knew Sue would have a clever response that would make me feel better, unlike Mom who'd probably tell me I shouldn't of done what I did and I should be peaceful and content. Which to me, never made sense.

"Well," Sue says, almost carefully. "Sometimes boys just.. change. They change their views, their attitudes toward girls change dramatically. It can happen over night - like we all saw with Sam and Leah, no one saw it coming."

I stare at her. "Why is Sam Uley always the one that is to do with strange occurrences in every person I know? Leah and Sam, my Dad, Luca and now Quil. Who is he?" I ask, trembling as I stood up. "Why is he ruining every good relationship I have in my life?

"Sam is a good man," Sue says, quickly. "You have to realize this, Heidi. He isn't doing any harm to the boys, or Leah."

"And what about my Dad?" I choke, standing up.

"What about him?" Sue says, carefully.

"What does Sam have to do with my Dad's disappearance?"

Sue doesn't make eye contact. "Absolutely nothing."

"See? You can't even look at me while saying it, Sue. I know you are all tip-toeing around the truth. I'll find out what is going on one way or another."

I've never spoken like that to Sue ever, but I didn't feel an ounce of guilt speaking to her like that for some reason. It almost felt right, like it was alright like in the end it would be alright.

* * *

I found myself at home which felt weird to me. I could smell the scent of a freshly opened can of paint from the living room and the sound of my Mom's CD playing. I didn't dare go inside the living room because I felt like I was going to attack her with words, and just tell her how annoyed I am at her, at Quil and most of all the world.

I decide to go upstairs. I pass Dad's study and for some reason, I try the door handle. It jiggles weakly but the door doesn't open. I let go and quickly walk to my room.

I sit on my bed and cross my legs. I stare at my bookcase opposite my bed, and sigh. The books Dad had given to me for every one of my birthdays had still lay unread. For my fourteenth birthday my Dad had given me the book Dracula by Bram Stoker. I hadn't read it, I'd pretended I did but I'd just googled the summary. I was happy he'd gotten me a present but I was fourteen I was into romance novels, not vampire books. When I turned fifteen, he'd bought me an even more boring book called 'The Romanov's: What really happened that night'. It had been the only book I'd read that he'd bought me, only half way though. I'd gotten to the chapter where it started to speak of Supernatural beings and I'd stopped reading.

On my sixteenth birthday, Dad had bought me yet another book which I'd not even looked at. It was all about Quileute history but I'd heard the stories before countless amounts of time not only from Dad who lived for them but by every member of the Tribe.

On my seventeenth birthday, he'd dedicated the book he'd wrote to me and given me the first copy. Since he went missing three weeks afterwards the release date never went ahead because my Mom with the convincing of Sue that maybe it wasn't safe. I had the only copy ever written and fans of my Dad if they knew would probably be unbelievably jealous, but their jealousy might turn to anger when they realized I'd never read it.

Believe it or not, it had been the one book I was planning to read but then when he went missing I thought it wasn't right for me, that it would just upset me more. I'd read the dedication page and that was all. In a old fashioned font it read. 'Heidi: Sometimes things have to go wrong before they go right.'

Of course, the police officers took the book for examination but they'd given it back a while after. To me, it was a clue and I was happy to have it so close.

Slowly, I stood up and made my way to the book case and picked out the four books and threw them on my bed. I sat down beside the messy pile of books and sighed.

I opened the first one, Dracula. It was dusty and smelled old like I'd let it nearly deteriorate. I opened the first page and felt the soft paper before opening the next page. In black pen in the corner Dad had scribbled a happy birthday message.

'Happy birthday, Heidi. You're fourteen! I hope you are as excited for your future as I am. I can't help but wish you could stay this young forever. Love, Dad.'

I sigh, and feel over the black pen. I then take my hand and hold the book tightly and skip through the pages, stopping when I come across the familiar black pen once again. The black pen has drew a line underneath a quote - " _The last I saw of Count Dracula was his kissing his hand to me, with a red light of triumph in his eyes, and with a smile that Judas in hell might be proud of_."

I felt a chill go up my spine. Could this of possibly meant something? I don't know. I never wanted to think of the possibility that Dad just left on his own accord. It was nicer to assume that. To assume that he was somewhere in Italy, sitting with a glass of wine on a beach with a book to read but on the other hand it made me feel more upset. It meant that in fact he did not care about us, about Mom, Luca and Brady and.. me.

I skipped another few pages, and another underlined quote stood out. " _There are vampires. They are real, they are of our time, and they are here, close by, stalking us as we sleep_..."

It made me roll my eyes and shut the book. I was fooling myself assuming I'd find out anything about Dad's disappearance in this. Of course, everything reverted back to his stupid supernatural queries. I was sure sitting on my bed, I would never get the truth about my fathers disappearance and that it would haunt me forever.


	4. fourth

"We should have a girly night tonight." My mother says quietly, sipping her coffee as I prepare my bag for Tara's house. It catches me off guard. My mothers apparently newly sober self had really shocked me, not because I hadn't seen her sober in what felt like months but because she was different.

She painted but instead of having her usual loud music, it was a quiet CD and she wrote. In one of Dad's unused diaries she'd started jotting down things before bed when we'd sit on the couch (which felt even weirder) she'd take her pen out and scribble down something and then carrying out watching TV.

We talked rarely still. I mean, she talked to me but I was almost bitter. Why couldn't she of been like this when everything had went down with Dad? It was a weird feeling. I had been getting used to having no Dad - and Mom and now she was back to what was her 'old self'. Painting, and smiling.

"I don't know." I hum, sipping my tea hurriedly. "I promised Tara and Amber I'd go to the beach with them tonight and then we'd have that sleepover in Tara's that I told you about."

"Oh.. Tara's. I didn't think it was a set plan." She sighs. "Isn't it a bit too cold for the beach? Maybe you should just stay home with me tonight."

It was true. I wasn't going to the beach, it was too cold. Instead of going to the beach where Tara and Amber were planning on hanging out with the local stoner boys who were throwing some party, I was going to finally hunt down Quil.

It had been too long, and I was angry. I knew Luca was hanging around with him by the way he gave me sad looks when I asked him about it or he would just shrug and say 'give him time,'.

I'd given him time now, and I was sick of everyone telling me maybe this was the end. It couldn't be the end. Quil and I were meant for something else. I never imagined us breaking up, or maybe if we did - it would be worth something and in the end, we'd end up right back together where we'd started.

I'd imagined our break up being before I headed to college or something. Since Quil never showed an interest in college and decided he'd just set up a car garage with the inheritance money he'd gotten from his Dad's death a few years after school. Quil wasn't fond of my idea's of studying abroad or studying somewhere sunny like Arizona, Texas or California. Not that he wasn't supportive he just couldn't understand why I'd want to fly off to some strange new place and get the same education I could get in a college in Port Angeles or Seattle.

"The girls and I planned this ages ago. I'm not bailing now, Mom. We can have a girly night any night." I say, putting my phone charger into my bag.

"I'm just saying, Heidi." Mom mutters.

"I know you're 'just saying'." I say back, folding my arms.

"Do you atleast have a proper jacket? You've grown out of the one from last year. We'll have to go get a new one soon." Mom asks.

"I've Quil's jumper and parka. I'll be fine."

"About Quil, maybe you should give all that stuff back now. Since you two are well, you know.."

"Quil and I are still together." I snap, crossing my arms. "We are still together."

"I'm sorry. I just thought -"

"Well don't think!" I manage to keep my voice at just a quiet bitter voice instead of the shout. "Can you just leave Quil and I's business to ourselves? Stop gossiping with Sue and just leave us."

"I'm worried, Heidi. You've been so angry lately."

"Just leave me alone, will you?" I say, picking my bag off the table and grabbing Quil's parka and jumper off the banister before leaving.

The plan was to meet at Tara's house first. Tara and Amber had been getting ready since early in the evening preparing to go to the party down by the beach. Of course they wanted me to just forget about Quil and come with, and in a way I wanted to forget about Quil and the unnecessary pain he'd caused me but I just couldn't. I'd promised them I'd just join them in the night for it, but I didn't plan to. If my original plan of finding Quil and making up with him went to plan Quil and I would be making up the right way, possibly cuddled up in Quil's bed kissing and watching some movie talking about how silly we were about life.

Tara's house was fifteen minutes away from my house but only two away from Quil's. As I approached Tara's I could see the light on in her room and the sound of music coming from her open window. I always really like Tara's family. Tara had three younger siblings, Jack, Hannah and Willow. Her Mom and Dad were strict enough but were also understanding she was a teenager and teenager's acted out. Tara's Dad was a therapist and her Mom was shop owner, her shop was based in La Push just by the sea side. It sold touristy-things, full of small trinkets and sea shells just like Tara's house.

I knock twice on the owl door knocker, and I can hear Tara's Mom coming out of the kitchen. She opens the door and smiles widely. "It's been too long!" She smiles, pulling me quickly into a hug. "I was just saying to Joe I've missed little Heidi's face 'round here. Joe! Guess who's here?"

Just as his wife speaks, Joe comes out of the kitchen too holding a tea towel. "Heidi!" He smiles widely, walking toward me and enveloping me in a hug like his wife had.

"Heidi!" I hear Tara cheer from the stairs. She plonks down, looking a little too glam for a beach party but still she looked beautiful. "C'mon up before Joe and Karen start to cry about how much they love you."

I laugh, as Joe nudges me up the stairs. He then turns his attention to his eldest child. "Me and your Mom are heading out to Aunt Rowena's with the kids, you know the rules Tara. No Phil, or any boys for that matter. We counted how many drinks are in the alcohol cabinet so don't even think about it, right?"

"Ugh. I won't." Tara says, slightly embarrassed.

"We left twenty dollars beside the radio in the kitchen if you kids get hungry after the party. So no raiding the fridge." Karen adds.

"Right, are you done with the rules?" Tara says, folding her arms.

"Don't be rude, missy. Be home early, right? Ten thirty sharp."

Tara rolls her eyes and motions me up the stairs. I follow her willingly pulling off my coat as I enter her warm bedroom. Amber sits on a small stool beside a mirror applying what seems like layer upon layer of mascara. She puts it down and carefully approaches me making sure her wet lashes don't hit her eyelids.

"I've missed you, How've you been?" She spoke as if she hadn't seen me in weeks. I'd seen her yesterday, but she seemed concerned.

"Same as I was yesterday, Amb." I murmur, sitting on Tara's double bed. "I'm guessing you guys are the same?"

"Yeah, pretty much." Amber says, sitting back down on the stool. "I saw Quil today, actually. Tara and I both did."

"What? Where?"

Tara closes her door, and sits on the small bean bag beside her makeup bag. "He was with Paul Lahote on the beach, we were sitting on the old tree just by the car park so we couldn't hear but they were -" Tara pauses and looks at Amber for support.

Amber crosses her arms. "I wanted to call the cops because I was afraid for Quil but Phil told us not to. Quil and Paul were fighting, like not punching or anything but they looked so angry. Well, Paul more than Quil. It looked like when the boys play soccer and someone misses the goal and the team looses, like they'd lost something big and they knew they were fucked - at least that's what Pete said."

"What we're trying to make out is that maybe Quil isn't all that happy about his current situation but doesn't know what to do. We were thinking maybe you should go to the head of the situation - Sam."

I wasn't about to tell them that the idea of going straight to Sam scared me. I thought about bailing on the idea all together, maybe it would all fall into place later on this week. Maybe I could go to the party and enjoy myself. I sighed deeply.

The idea of Paul Lahote hurting my Quil or bullying him scared me. Paul had been the butch guy in school, a year ahead of me in school he always looked like he was too good for it all. He was on nearly every school team from athletics to the football team nearly beating Luca to football captain before he disappeared for two weeks straight and started hanging around Sam Uley. Paul who had always had a temper had grown more like a ticking time bomb as the months grew on and the rumors that spread around on all the reasons why the most popular boy in school had suddenly dropped all his friends and started hanging around with Sam Uley and Jared Cameron people he'd never been linked to before. I'd found it weird too and probably obsessed over it too hard for about a month and then realized - I didn't care.

But now, it seemed like everything with Sam Uley wasn't adding up. There had always been rumors that Sam Uley was doing something with drugs but the council shot that down quickly, and so did my Dad.

"I'll talk to whoever I see. I'll go to Quil's first see if he's home, then I'll just..."

"You aren't wandering around La Push alone, especially at night." Amber says, worried. "Do you want us to come with you?"

Tara gives her a look. I know she really doesn't want to miss the party.

"You're fine, Amb, really. Go to your party, I'll join you guys later." I reassure Amber.

"Are you sure?" Amber asks again.

"Yes!" Tara answers for me. "She's sure! If we want to get drunk we better go now!"

Quil's yellow front door has never looked so daunting. Especially that only the hall light lingers on, and the light in the living room. It's going on eight thirty now, and it's already dark. I took my time walking to Quil's wondering what I was supposed to say if he happened to open the door. I was pretty sure I'd picked the perfect time - Joy was at work tonight, I'd heard that Sue was hosting one of her usual family nights in, and Molly had been invited and lastly, Old Quil was watching the game at Billy Blacks house. It was perfect.

My left hand hovered over the knocker. I couldn't help but be frightened - what happens if this was the end? What happens if he asks for his clothes back? What would I do? I'd cry, I know I would. I wouldn't be able to hold it in if he told me it was all over and that he didn't love me anymore. I wonder if I'd regret losing my virginity to him years later if so. Would it be awkward seeing him around afterwards? Would he tell everyone how bad it was with me in bed? No, that wasn't Quil. Quil was loyal, trustworthy and respected me.

I took my sudden urge of confidence and knocked on the door hard three times. I knocked hard, so hard I'd been afraid I'd done damage to my knuckles. I guess I was too excited.

I waited, pushing my hair away from my ear and pushing myself to the door. I could hear footsteps, clomping footsteps that were all too familiar but instead of coming toward the door they faded - and then I heard the back door of the small house slam shut and I shook nervously, my feet moving quickly without my consent toward the back door.

Instead of the one person I'd assumed it was, it was three people. Three men, Embry, Jared Cameron and Paul Lahote. They walked quickly, still talking to each other as if they hadn't noticed my presence. Embry and Jared both wore plain white t-shirts with some denim shorts while Paul was completely shirtless wearing dirty combat shorts that looked like they'd been dragged through the mud.

Out of all of them at the moment, Paul scared me the most. It must have been the way he walked, his arms thick and making him look like he was way bigger than he actually was. He made me feel angry too, if what Tara and Amber had said about seeing him bully Quil was true then I had a right to be angry.

I bit my lip before starting toward them as they walked toward the woodland behind Quil's house. I took off at a quick pace, my feet trudging through the wet ground as I made it to the group who had seemingly slowed down. As soon as my trudges became noticeable, they stopped. Embry turning first, the other two giving a minutes notice before they copied.

"Heidi?" Embry seemed almost shocked I was standing in front of him.

I couldn't get my words together quick enough, and I began to stutter. "Wh-wh-what have you done to Quil?" I choke bitterly.

Jared crosses his arms loosely before sighing. "You should go home, Heidi. It isn't safe to be out so late."

"No! What have you done?" I say, feeling angry that he'd answered me like that as if he knew me, as if he cared about my well being. "Tell me what you have done!"

I took a brave step toward Jared and looked him deep in his brown eyes and glared. "What is you guy's deal? What is you guy's deal with my family, huh? My Dad? My brother? What kind of sick freak show is Sam Uley running?"

I feel like I'm not myself as if it's all an outer body experience and I'm watching from the clouds. I see my two hands before me pushing against Jared's rock hard chest. He doesn't flinch or budge which makes me angrier, I see my left hand raise high enough so that its the perfect height to match Jared's cheek but even though it's moving so fast I'm sure I'll be able to feel the hard cheek bone as I slap him my hands been grabbed harshly and it isn't by Jared. Paul Lahote's hand is firmly grasping my wrist, so hard I'm sure he could snap it in a heartbeat.

I can't make eye contact because I'm sure I'll cry.

"Back off, kid." He snaps.

"Paul." Embry warns Paul quietly.

"Let go of me, Lahote." I snap, weakly back at him shamelessly trying to pull my wrist away from his grasp. I lift my eyes high enough to see him smirk and it sends me over the edge. I pull up my other hand quickly, and faster than I'd done before I let my hand quickly slap Paul across the face.

It's an instant regret. Not only does the grip around my wrist tighten but his hand starts to shake, and so does his body. Jared's hand grasps down on Paul's shoulder and he lets out a booming shout.

"Paul, calm down." He snarls. His eyes then glare at me. "Move away now, Heidi."

I try pull away my wrist but his grip is still like concrete. I'm afraid now, more than I had been before - I felt like I was in danger and if Paul didn't do what Jared said something would happen. Something bad.

Paul's shaking has turned violent and there are snarls coming from his mouth as if he's some animal like being. I yank my wrist violently away from his grasp but that's when I hear the crack and the searing pain that starts in my wrist. I can't help but make eye contact with Paul, showing him my betrayed eyes.

His brown eyes hit mine as I look into his and it all happens so suddenly as if a tsunami wave just hit us without any notice. It felt like something massive had just happened, like hours had passed within seconds but nothing had changed. I was still struggling to get my pained wrist free, but just as Paul paused to what seemed like throw himself on to the floor my wrist was freed.

"Fuck sake, Paul!" Jared yells, trying desperately to make Paul make eye contact with him but his brown honey eyes are still locked on me.

Embry's hand then quickly came forward and pushed against my chest so hard it threw me down on the floor and took the breath from my chest. I couldn't keep my eyes of Paul's changing form.

"Heidi!" Quil's frightened yell came from behind me.

It was a mili-second. One blink. And when my eyes opened again, Paul Lahote the boy who used to play for every team in school last year wasn't that boy he was a huge grey wolf, the size of a bear. I let out a scream as the wolf stood almost frightened of itself it's tail between it's legs as it stared at me.

Then it goes dark, and the only thing I can feel is my head falling against the wet mossy ground.


	5. fifth

"You know, I read somewhere that if someone faints you should just hit em'."

"That's exactly what you aren't supposed to do. Idiot."

"I don't see you coming up with any idea's, Embry."

"Fuck off, Jar-Head."

"I read that if they don't wake up in approximately one minute after fainting, you should call 911. It's been, what, twenty minutes? She's probably dead by now."

"Did we ask you, Leah?"

I don't open my eyes. Maybe then I can convince myself that in fact I dreamt it all up. That Paul Lahote didn't just turn into a giant wolf. That seemingly everything I'd believed about the world was falling apart. I'd spent years believing that my Dad was a phony that he wrote just for money because he knew the community that believed in the supernatural believed in anything.

But it was real. It was the truth.

"Hey, you waking up?" It's a softer voice now. I let my eyes softly flicker open. Emily Young stands over me, her amber eyes sparkling as the light caught them. I hadn't seen her in what felt like years. My cousin Emily had been partly pushed away from my family with all the stuff that had gone on with Leah and her. It seemed easier to take Leah's side, I saw her the most after all and what Emily did had in my eyes been unforgivable.

The scars on her face didn't seem as bad as they had in hospital when I'd visited her. She'd been asleep when I had but had made it clear that she was thankful when she rang my Mom to tell her about her recovery.

My mouth felt dry but I managed to give her a regretful 'yes' because as I did. I noticed Embry and Leah come into my view, his eyes sorry.

"How you doin, now?" He asks, sitting on the edge of the lazy boy across from the couch I'd been laid down on. I sat up slowly, and crossed my arms.

I didn't answer. I just didn't know what to say. The pain in my wrist had gotten worse, and I felt like I might get sick or pass out again any minute but that wasn't anything to be concerned about really. I felt concerned about Quil.. About Paul.

Emily seems to notice my wrist and bites her lip and makes a concerned hiss. "That looks really bad, can I take a look?"

I hold out my swollen wrist and she takes it lightly. She turns on the small lamp beside her and pulls it toward my wrist. "That must be sprained or fractured. Did you fall on it?"

"No." Embry answers for me. "Paul got a bit mad and couldn't let go. Her must have done damage to it."

"Oh dear." Emily sighs. "Leah, can you get an ice pack from the freezer and maybe the first aid box?"

Leah sighs and stands up from the couch and mutters something about 'Nurse Emily to the rescue'. A second later, a ice pack is thrown in from the kitchen window opening, then afterwards a bright green first aid box. Before it can hit Emily, Embry catches them both. He passes it to her slowly. She places it on my wrist, firstly wrapping it in some tissue.

A thought comes to my mind and I frown. "So, are you all.. you know.. werewolves?"

Emily laughs. "Well, I'm not. I'm just.. me."

Jared enters the room from the kitchen and sits on the edge of the couch. "It's Sam, Embry, Paul, Quil, Leah and Seth, Jake and.. uh.."

Leah rolls her eyes. "And your brother, Luca."

"Luca?!" I ask, frowning.

"Well, duh. I mean do you think he hangs around us because we're all best friends or something? Of course, he has the genes."

"And you're the only girl?" I ask.

"Apparently. I mean if your brother has the gene, you could." She says, almost happily. "But at the moment, yeah it's just me and all my boys." She says 'boys' with the utter most disgust.

"So I could be..?"

"It's rare. It's never been documented before and you seem alright at the moment." Jared says, quietly. "Don't fret over it."

Everyone goes quiet for a moment before I speak again. "Did.. Did my Dad know about all this?"

It stays quiet. It's obvious no one had prepared to answer this question. Leah steps up, and bites her lip.

"Yeah. Your Dad always was -" Embry interrupts her.

"Maybe we should wait for Sam, Leah."

"Why? He's gonna say the exact same thing I will. She'll react the exact same." Leah says, crossing her arms. "She already hates Sam, do you really think she'll listen to him?"

Emily sighs. "Maybe just let Leah say it to her, Em. Maybe Heidi will feel better about that. Sam can explain everything else."

"See, Embry? Emily agrees so it must be right and just." Leah says, bitterly. "Anyway, yeah your Dad did know. When he started dating your Mom way back when she was naive and told him all the 'top secret' tribe secrets, and little did she know you Dad was already obsessed with everything else supernatural. So he did a little more research, kept it quiet from the council and then his first book came out."

"That's why your Dad always got into trouble with my Dad and Billy Black and Old Quil. He couldn't keep it in he had to write more and more." Leah says, sighing.

"He really did dig his own grave." Jared says, folding his arm.

I frown. "What?"

Jared smacks his face. "I used the wrong wording. Your dad's not dead."

"Damn it, Jared, can you not just shut up?" Leah grumbles.

The front door opens with a smack and all eyes turn as Sam Uley walks in the door, his face like thunder. "I gave you one job!" He snarls, I wasn't sure if he was aware of me standing there or he just didn't care. "I said just to go to Quil's and notify him about the change in schedule but of course you managed to fuck it up!"

It looked like Jared and Embry didn't know who he was pointing the finger at but it looked like they were just taking it.

"What's the protocol when a thing like that comes up, huh? Walk away. Find a way to get away."

"It wasn't that simple, boss." Embry murmurs.

"Yes it is, Embry. It really is." Sam snaps. "I have to deal with lots of unneeded shit now."

"I can go now if you want." I mumble standing up quickly not daring to look Sam in the face.

"Sit down, Heidi." Sam says, his voice serious. I hesitate but then sit down. "Embry, Leah, Jared. I need you outside now, make sure Quil isn't trying to kill Paul and vice versa. Make sure when Luca phases in with Jake tonight he doesn't try and kill both Quil and Paul."

"Yes boss." Jared and Embry chime in. Leah doesn't reply she just starts walking toward the front door, whipping off her t-shirt as she walks. It shocks me how open she is. Sam lets out a huge sigh before walking toward the lazy boy and sitting down.

"I know Leah told you some stuff about your Dad and that's alright. I'm just going to tell you one thing: It's true." He says. "I want you to read all them books he wrote, and then his private diaries then come back to me and we'll talk."

"But-"

"But no. I'm letting you a part of this now. Your dad told me to look out for his family, and that's what I'm doing. I was doing that before but then this happened so I'm resorting to plan B - total honesty from me in return for you doing what I say." Sam says, darkly but calmly. "I'm the alpha of my pack, and right now you are deeply affiliated with my pack so you will listen to what I have to say."

As much as I didn't like the way he spoke to me, it made me respect him. Sam had only turned twenty recently but he really knew how to make people listen to him.

"Thanks, Sam." I mumble. "I was just wondering, could you explain about the wolves?"

"I told you. Read the books."

I bite my lip, but nod. "I'd better start walking back to my friends house. I told her I'd stay there tonight."

"I'll get Quil. He'll walk you home." Sam tells me as he exits the room. "Stay where you are, I'll be back in a minute."

Sam's true to his word. He's back within a minute and five minutes later, Quil walks through the door. He looks tired, and his cheeks are all red as if from wind-burn. He has a nasty scar running from the top of his bare chest to his naval. I feel my cheeks heat up and a stinging sensation in my tear duct as tears streamed out. I ran to him, wrapping my arms around his newly strong body.

It felt like home, like none of this mattered. Like it wasn't a big deal that he turned into a wolf, or that we had fought. It felt like it had all been pushed fast us but as Quil tensed and pulled away slowly - I knew it hadn't.

"Hey, Heid." He says almost weakly as he wraps an arm around my waist. "I guess I'm your chauffeur for tonight?"

"Guess so." I mutter. "I'd way prefer Chives again though. British accents always tug at my heart strings."

"Alright, m'lady." Quil tries desperately to imitate a posh British accent but fails miserably. I roll my eyes.

"Get her straight to the door, yeah Quil?" Sam says, giving Quil an almost sorry look.

Quil doesn't speak, he just nods. He doesn't take my hand as he walks to the door like he used to before. He just gives me a weak small as we walk toward the unfamiliar blue pick up truck.

"It's Sam's and Emily's. He said I could use it." Quil says, almost shyly. He unlocks it and climbs in, as do I.

He starts it up quickly. I know Quil loves car's like these, he always spoke about saving and getting himself a brand new Ford Ranger. It was a big throw but I seemingly believed one day Quil would have one. He was so stubborn and loyal that I knew he'd strive to get that achievement and as far as I know he'd already saved 150 dollars.

"Weird day today, wasn't it?" He says, giving me an awkward smile as he pulls out of the small woodland cabin toward a long straight road.

"Tops my list, I guess." I mutter back. "Well actually, kind of. I'd expected something weird, like you were doing drugs or selling them but not - not ever."

"Doing drugs?" He laughs. "Do you think my Mom would let me be in breathing distance of Sam if that was the case?"

"I dunno." I say. "I just assumed he had everyone on the council drugged up but now.."

"It's really weird. It really is." Quil says, slowly. "It took me a while to even come to terms with it. I still am."

"Do you like it?" I ask, shyly.

"Yeah, I do." He answers honestly. "There are some aspects that are difficult to come to terms with." He clenches his fists around the steering wheel so hard his knuckles turn white. He starts to shake. "Some things we can't control."

"Are you okay?" I ask, worried.

Quil blinks and then stares down at his white knuckles and the shaking stops. "Yeah. I'm good."

"Are you sure?"

"Yeah, Heidi, don't worry bout it." Quil says. "It's a side effect to this wolf shit."

"Oh.. Okay."

"Yeah.." Quil pauses. "I just wanted to tell you that I'm sorry. I really am. Nothing excuses me treating you that way after we.. uh.. y'know. I shouldn't have taken out the wolf stuff out on you."

I look at him confused and he sighs and runs a hand through his hair. "When you're going through the change, you find you get angry at the smallest thing because the wolf inside you is growing. It's tearing to get out but of course, you don't know that so you bottle it up, or atleast you try and then it explodes and you then explode into a giant wolf.. Does that even make sense?"

I nod. "Yeah, perfect sense."

"I phased outside your house just in the woodland." Quil says, slowly. "I was so confused, I thought about just walking back into you as a wolf because I was so frightened and you felt safe but.. then I heard Sam Uley's voice in my head telling me to come to him. I thought wow, not only am I a huge wolf I'm now crazy but.."

"As a wolf you're almost telepathic. You can hear what the other guys and Leah are thinking. Whatever we think is just shown to everyone. Sam can control it really well. I'm still crap at it." Quil mutters. "I think some of the guys are happy we're.. well.. talking. I won't have to moan about you now."

"You moaned about me?"

"Not in that way, sicko!"

"You know I didn't mean it that way, Quil! You weirdo."

"God, I want to kiss you." Quil blurts out. The aura of the conversation changes and suddenly it seems like we are back to the way we were.

"Kiss me then." I tell him honestly.

He looks back to the road and bites his lip. "You see, I would. I really would. Gladly. But, you gotta just know, it's still fucked. You don't know everything just yet, and when you do know everything you could hate me for kissing you."

"Quil, like shut up. I'd never hate you. Or hate you for kissing me."

"You will. In the future, you'll look at me and you won't feel what you feel for me right now."

"Quil, there is no way that in the future I'll look at you and not feel the way I feel right now." I say looking at him. "It's cheesy and you'll laugh but after Dad disappeared I'd assumed it was all over like that week I didn't see you I'd assumed that slowly I'd disappear too that I'd fall into some dark abyss and no one would find me but you came and you pulled me from that dark abyss and you kept me on my feet. I can't imagine a day I won't love you."

"You don't get it, H. I know, I mean I really know. I know and it fucking kills because the idea of not being able to love you cuts me to shreds."

"How do you know?" I ask, slightly annoyed. "Do you have some wolf physic ability now?"

"Yes." He says, "Well no! But yes. I mean it's not a proper future telling ability. It's just something that's planned for us, that if we - if we find someone - If the wolf finds someone that they think will make the wolf stronger or maybe will make the wolf give off better 'genes', then that person is yours. And no one else can have them, and the wolf won't want anyone else and the person they want won't want anyone else either."

"And what?" I ask frowning. "Have you found that 'person'?"

"No." He says, quickly. "Well, yeah, you. But I'm not your choice."

"I'm so confused, Quil. Honestly, can you just tell me?"

"No. Alpha's orders. It's not my place to tell you or anyone elses."

"So what? Is it in my Dad's diaries?"

"No. Maybe. I don't know."

"So, basically I'll go my whole life not knowing what choice I got or what 'wolf' I got?" I ask him, "Cause I know, Quil Ateara the only wolf I want is you."

He rolls his eyes. "You don't get it."

"I'm waiting for you to explain but 'alphas orders' are in the way."

He rolls his eyes again. "We're changing the subject. Ask me any questions besides wolf genes or wolf choices."

"Right.. Hmm. What color are you as a wolf, then?"

"Interesting question. I could always show you."

"Uhm. No. I've seen too many wolves than I've wanted today."

"Right well, the boys make fun of me cause I look like a chocolate bar apparently. It reflects how sweet I am, Emily says but I ask her not to say it so openly." Quil chuckles. "I'm big, bigger than Embry and Leah but not the biggest."

"Who's biggest?"

"It goes from Sam, Paul to Jared."

"Is that who gave you that scar?" I point to the fading pink puckered scar on his chest that had faded a little more from when I'd last noticed. "Did Paul give you that?"

"Yeah.." Quil mumbles. "Paul and I get along just.. not right now."

"He gave you trouble on the beach the other day didn't he?"

"You saw that?"

"No. Tara told me about it. She said he was really angry at you, why?"

"He was just pissed because I.. Well, I'm new to the pack y'know.. It's hard to get the hang of it so I just made a mistake and it cost us a lot. It's alright now though."

"He scared me today." I say honestly, remembering his honey brown eyes as I looked into them.

"How's your wrist now?" Quil asks, quietly looking off the road toward it.

"Just a bit swollen. I'll visit Sue in the morning."

"Yeah, do." Quil says. "Paul's just an angry dude, he was angry before the change so afterwards it just amplified. That's why he's not in school anymore, he's a basket case. We can't send him to patrol the beach anymore because he gets in fights with those pot head teens."

"Really?"

"Yeah." Quil seemed in the zone talking crap about Paul. "When I saw him with that grip on your wrist, and then when it happened.. and you fainted. I got so mad, I've never phased like that before. I just had to, I felt like I had to defend you. I couldn't let him get away with Sam scolding him. I've never wanted to destroy someone more."

I decided to change the subject as we came up the familiar beach road. Quil's face got stormy talking about him, angry as if he could just phase on the spot. It scared me.

"I think you should drop me home, Q." I tell him. "I was meant to meet up with Tara and Amber at that beach party and then stay at Tara but I want to get home and just read the books now. I want to get to the bottom of this since no one will tell me anything."

"Are you sure?"

"Yeah. I'll call Tara or Amber and explain." I smile tiredly as he pulls in toward my house. He speeds up a bit and pulls in on the curb and halts the car to a stop. "Do you wanna come in for a while?"

"I think it's best not to. I think you should read it all by yourself so you can really take it in, y'know?" Quil says. "Luca won't be in till late, and it sounds like Brady's snoring and your Mom's asleep on the couch."

"Speaking of my everyone, who knows? Obviously Luca does, but who else?"

"All the Clearwaters, your Mom, my Granddad, my Grandma, my Mom. Everyone on the council, really. Jared's girlfriend does too, you know Kim right? Kim Conweller. You'll probably get to know her better soon."

"Right, thank you." I mumble, undoing my belt and getting out of the car. Quil follows, jogging around to my side. We walk to my door quietly.

"I'm going to kiss you now, and I'm going to prove to you I won't regret it. I'm going to kiss you so lovingly, you'll take back what you said completely, right?"

Quil hesitates. "Uhh -"

I caress his face softly before pulling him into the kiss. It takes him a second to get into it, his hands slowly wrap around my waist and his mouth slowly starts to guide mine into the kiss. It lasts a few seconds more and we're about to go deeper as Quil's hand moves down my waist toward my bum, but then the porch light flickers on and I realize Mom's awake and she's telling us to wrap up our loving goodbyes like she used to do.

I pull away and give him a small smile. "Do you see now, Quil?"

He gives me a smile. "Yeah. I do."

"Good. I'll see you when I finish all these books tomorrow, yeah?"

"Yes. I'll be here whenever you call me."

I give him one last final peck before unlocking the front door and walking inside. Mom peaks her head outside the door from the kitchen to the hall and smiles. "You and Quil back together then?"

"We never weren't together, Mom." I say slowly. "And I know, by the way."

"You know?" She plays dumb. "You know what?"

"That unicorns roam the earth and Shrek is based on a true story - what do you think I know?"

"You broke Sam then?" She asks, quietly. "Did he tell you everything?"

"No." I mumble. "Paul Lahote got angry and phased in front of me."

"Oh! Are you okay?" She rushes from the kitchen to me.

"Yeah, I'm fine." I mutter. "He just hurt my wrist, is all."

"And they explained at Emily's did they?" She asks, "Was Luca there? I wouldn't like to be Paul when Luca gets him."

"Well, Leah did slightly." I tell her. "Sam told me to read Dad's stuff and come back to him. I didn't see Luca at all, he was here getting ready for his patrol with Jake."

"I don't know when he left, probably through the window." She chuckles. "I thought you were meant to be going to a party? How did you end up provoking Paul?"

"I was but I just wanted to make up with Paul first." I yawn. "I better call Tara and Amber before they get home. They'll be worried." I walk toward the staircase and pull myself up the stairs.

"Don't be up all night reading his books, H. They'll give you nightmares."

I rolled my eyes. Seemingly, I don't think the books would give me nightmares. I think Paul Lahote had beat the books to it. The memory of his vicious eyes, and the anger as he stared at me scared me already. If he had the power to break my wrist within a squeeze as a person, how badly could he hurt me as a wolf? The thought haunted me, but confused me because if I was so afraid of him why did I want to get to know him better?


End file.
